Will You Be My Girlfriend?

Get it? It's Avril Lavigne. Anyway, this one is not only simply but seems downright impossible as far as I'm concerned.

Approach a girl at random, and say the following phrase "Will you be my girlfriend?" thats it.

If you can get a date out of this, I'll pay. To claim the reimbursement, you'll need photos of the night as well as receipts. ALSO doing the "Half Baked" challenge will score you reimbursement plus $50.

LOOKING FOR ROOMMATE

I was walking across campus the other day and saw a flier screaming "LOOKING FOR FEMALE ROOMMATE!" and I saw a few qualities listed below it they were looking for; this obviously got me thinking. Fake fliers looking for crazy roommates.

Start by getting a fake number (might I recommend google voice) and throw it on a flier. Now make up your own flier screaming for a roommate that has some pretty weird qualities, or you yourself can come across as weird and see if you get calls.

-Examples-
Applicants must:
>like to be watched while they sleep
>not be opposed to psychological experiments in cleanliness
>not get upset with "sexual harassment"
>not have a problem with paying for tibet

If you get phone calls back, report back on the conversation.

ass beating risk: 0/5 as long as you use a fake number, and info you won't be picking up any crazy stalkers. (they won't won't want to physically hurt you anyways)

National Time Traveler's Day is Coming!

This concept has been floating around for a few years now, the tentative date being December 8th of the year. The basic idea outlined/detailed from various websites we've copy and pasted and given no citation too because we're bastards who could care less.

No need for me to type anything new, read the following.

HOWEVER, here are our plans. We plan on setting up some fog machines in key locations to emerge from barely wearing any clothes and looking utterly shocked at what is going on around us.

This is a challenge that demands photo/video.

Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day

You must spend the entire day in costume and character. The only rule is that you cannot actually tell anyone that you are a time traveler. Other than that, anything’s game.

There are three possible options:

1) Utopian/cliche Future – “If the Future did a documentary of the last fifty years, this is how badly the reenactors would dress.” Think Star Trek: TNG or the Time Travelers from Hob. Ever see how the society in Futurama sees the 20th century? Run with it. Your job is to dress with moderately anachronistic clothing and speak in slang from varying decades. Here are some good starters:

- Greet people by referring to things that don’t yet exist or haven’t existed for a long time. Example: “Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?” “What spectrum will today’s broadcast be in?” and “Your king must be a kindly soul!”

- Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.

2) Dystopian Future – This one offers a little more flexibility. It can be any kind of future from Terminator to Freejack. The important thing to remember is dress like a crazy person with armor. Black spray painted football pads, high tech visors, torn up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there. Remember, dystopian future travelers are very startled that they’ve gone back in time. Some starters:

- If you go the “prisoner who’s escaped the future” try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you’ve never seen it before.

- Walk up to random people and say “WHAT YEAR IS THIS?” and when they tell you, get quiet and then say “Then there’s still time!” and run off.

- Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell “NOOOOOOOOO”

- Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished.

- Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say “In thirty years dial this number. You’ll know what to do after that.” Then slip away.

3) The Past – This one is more for beginners. Basically dress in period clothing (preferably Victorian era) and stagger around amazed at everything. Since the culture’s set in place already, you have more of a template to work off of. Some pointers:

- Airplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while.

- Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic grocery doors. Stay there for hours playing with it.

- Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and shorts on women are especially scary.

And that’s it. Remember, the only real rule is staying in character and try to fit in. Never directly admit you’re a time traveler, and make really, really bad attempts at keeping a low profile. Naturally, the dystopian future has a little more leeway. And for the record, I’ve already tried out all of these in real life, in costume. It is so much fun you want to pee yourself.

Training Montage

This one might be a little tough with the winter months moving in; but still do-able. The idea is to drive up along side/run behind either a biker or a runner; while blasting Rocky "Training Montage" style music. Jackson, Marcus and I burned a CD with Chariot of Fire, Eye of the Tiger, O Fortuna, and Wannabe (spice girls), and found runners in our town to try and "pump up".

We tried it pretty late so we only found 1 runner, we got her to throw her arms up and cheer at one point; so I deemed it a success. I regret to say the video footage we got was awful, so we'll be getting more in a brighter hour post-break.



Tips:
IN A CAR
1.)If your going to be driving next to somebody, put your hazards on so people know to drive around you.
2.)Feel free to cheer and scream at them out the window, give the person a story to tell.
3.)CRANK and volume, in our modern days people run with headphones on, so you'll need to really get their attention

RUNNING BEHIND
1.)You can either find people running outside or on a track, this might be tough if you're not in the best shape.
2.)Do it with some friends, matching track suits are a plus.
3.)Get a Ghetto Blaster (boom box) or Ipod plug-in might be funny.

Def. get video of this, make it a montage style video

Ass Beating Risk: 1/5, most people will find it funny, but keep your distance; some people might get annoyed with you following them.

Happy Thanksgiving!
-Dan

IRL Advertising

I was recapping the Axe story the other day to a friend of mine and I realized, Axe is not the only company with a clever advertising campaign; let's look at Twix "Need a minute?" or the Orbit "Fabulous" white teeth. Why not apply these to more situations, next time somebody asks you a question, pull out a Twix bar and cram it in your mouth. You'll probably just get the "really...?" response.

Ass Beating risk: 0/5, if you get hurt doing these, you're doing it wrong.

OCCUPADO! - The Bathroom Challenge

So Dan and I were hanging out today, I went to the loo and I'm not sure what came over me but I decided to yell "AHH THERE IS SO MUCH BLOOD!" whilst the sound of my piss was hitting the water no less. This in turn also led to "ahhHHHh!!" and other sound of discomfort. He got a good laugh out of it, and when I exited it struck me that doing this in public/for the blog would be a brilliant idea.

So do that. Go into any public restroom with at least one person (come to think of it, if just one person was in the place with you that'd certainly make for an entertainig laugh.) The advantage of having multiple people in the bathroom, is you and a mate could be vocal recording the whole thing. Cause I'm pretty sure taking a video camera into a bathroom is considered an invasion of privacy or a porno in some cases. I'm not reccomending the latter. I digress.

Again, just to recap. Here at some key phrases you need to exclaim in discomfort in a public restroom.


"There is so much blood!"
"Ahh it burns! Make it stop!"
"Karen, you slut!"
"Why is there so much blood coming from my anus?!"
"I know what it feels like to pee like a girl!"
*fart noises* - you can do them yourself, or have them pre-recorded and play them

When you are done, immediatley wrap as though nothing has happened. Like end it along the lines of...

"Ahh my god! Why must!!....oh im done."

Then exit, if you have water running down your face like you were crying, make sure you are making a scene. Like whining, wiping tears from your eyes "WHY?! WHY??!" If you douse your forehead in water as though you were sweating, make sure you appear out of breathe.


marcus out.

Moo Bitch: Milk Terrorism

This prank, in essence is an amusing phone call. Call up a local grocery store, at minimum a Dairy section and get in touch with the stores day/night manager. They'll give you some basic line like, "Hello this is John Smith, how can I help you?". Here's your script, "I have hidden 10 jugs of milk in your store, you have five hours before they begin to curdle." From this point you can either hang up, or stay on the line for their inevitable "What?" too which you respond, "You're running out of time Mr. Smith, good luck (hang up)."


For added fun, go to the store and see if they have somebody looking around the store. Worst case scenario they call up the dairy section and have them double check the stock. Keep the number of jugs between 5-20, the more jugs you tell them the more likely they are to realize you're lieing.

Ass Beating Risk: nada, use skype or *67 your phone call. Try and get video of a person looking for the jugs if you go and check it out.

The Craigslist Challenge

You americans and your precious craigslist. Electronics, cars, furniture, and sex. It's the Walmart of the internet...plus sex. Look anyway, here's a thought.

Head over to personal/classifieds section of (your local) craigslist. Go email a few people, when they start asking for pictures send pictures of your friend. When they ask for a name, lie and make one up. Hell, even better if you know where your friend will be that night (say a coffee house or something) you can even say "Oh yeah, we'll I'm going to be heading to this starbucks on..." etc.

Think of this as a really mean blind date. Because someone will no doubt run into your friend, call them by the wrong name and then have it out with them about their "true" identity. It'll make for awkward conversation all around. What's more is you could actually be present at said event, and play the whole thing off like you had no idea what was going on.

This kind of challenege works best in a small, possibly college town. Huge places like Chicago and other large cities have lots of people trying to make a quick buck and will scam you of pictures at the least if they can. The fear here being...


*** WARNING *** - craigslist from what I'm told is a dangerous place, from what a good friend in network engineering tell me: photos are sent, and then reposted for other ads/services on CL. Hence i said the bit about the made up names. Make sure the people you are talking with are real and above all else SANE.

Double Pitts to Chesty - The Axe Challenge

Dan and I are currently sitting around, about to head out on the night when it struck me I purchased a can of Axe bodyspray the other day for a challenge and only NOW just remember i purchased it for this very occasion.

Axe has a pretty fierce and arguably outstanding marketing team. I mean, young adolescent males buy their products under the idea that it's going to land them more women...well at least the attention of more women. That being said, it only seems to me that this is the kind of thing that needs to be put to the test. To the best of my knowledge I don't think this has been documented recorded anywhere, so game on for us/me then?

Challenge: Drench myself in Axe bodyspray, I'm talking like the way they do in the commercials. Which in case you are unaware is far too much. That being said, I should do that times TWO. I mean, if anything women are going to be throwning themselves at me, right? We're gonna have to see, i'm about to practically bathe in this stuff and hit the town. I'll report back at the end of the night, possibly with video.

** UPDATE **

Alright, i just got back in and i have to say the Axe campeign delivers as promised...girls simply just notice you more. It's certainly a conversation starter, girls notice this and practically run towards you. I kid you not, but you have literally gotta be dripping in this stuff. I feel pretty nasty right now, won't lie. But girls smiled at me an unusual amount more, which I have to say only makes me want to further conduct a survey about this crap. Really? Don't get me wrong, i know scent can mean a lot to women, but this much? Not to mention, Axe? A $5 bottle of coming of age bodyspray? This cheap shit works?! I don't want to believe it. So much so that within the past few sentences - I HAVE to conduct further research on this. I encourage everyone to do the same. Do It For the Story.

Marcus Out.
Original Post: 11/7/09

Two Things She Loves

Every now and then you're faced with an opportunity to do something which is hilarious to everyone but the victim: last Friday I totally seized the moment. A friend of mine has a (bitchy) roommate with 35+ pairs of shoes stuffed into her closet, when she went out drinking, we decided it would be amusing to tape them all to the ceiling. Scotch tape seemed like a bit to much effort, so we ventured out to our various habitats and grabbed rolls of duck tape. Upon returning we taped more than half of the shoes to the ceiling, in the shape of a penis. When they started falling, we decided that instead of putting strips on the bottom and making it look pretty, we would put them over the shoes, took about an hour.

I in no way take credit for the shoe layout as I was putting the tape on the shoes. From what I've heard the girl was furiously pissed, and there's little to nothing she can do to get revenge (on me).

Words of Wisdom: go as strong as duck tape, gorilla tape will probably ruin the shoes. Use smaller strips instead of just one on the entire shoe, they'll hold up better.

Recommended level of combat expertise: slap-fight, I don't know a lot of guys with enough shoes to do this.

Is this seat taken?

This one will require a restaurant where you choose your own seating (If I do it I'll probably use a dining court). Get a normal sized meal and find a table relatively close to a couple that is eating, wait for the guy to get up to go to the bathroom or get a drink. Make your approach, don't ask if you can sit, simply drop your tray on top of his (or mash it, your tray should cover his). Strike up conversation; you mostly just need to keep control of the situation so she doesn't flip out on you. When he returns, ask for more water or for him to lower the music volume "can you maybe do something about this music", if you can get him to walk away dejected, you're my hero.

Ass Beating Risk: 3/5 stars, pick the couple wisely. If the girl seems bored or the table is quiet, it's a plus. If conversation is lush or the couple seem tense about something, do not approach.

It's Not a Left or Right Hook...It's Just a Few Jabs

These are really simple. Stupid simple.


Walk down the street (go ahead, walk) and make sure someone is behind you at a relatively close distance and then immediatley stop walking. Better yet, stop walking, bend over and start tying your shoe.


If you go to to the cinema, sit next to the only guy or couple or family or whoever is alone there.

If you are on a bus, get what is beyond unusually close to someone. You know, act as though the bus is completely packed and thats why you are up against someone.



That was easy wasn't it?

The Incremental Challenege

This is an incredibly simple setup, you can either do it for sheer annoyance or if you are trying to meet a cute neighbor. It's a win win really. Your attire doesn't matter, but I suppose in either case (cute neighbors or someone you want to annoy) the more ridiculous the better.

Simply go knock on their door and ask if you can borrow something trivial, like a cup of sugar.

Let 10 minutes pass and go back
This time ask for something slightly more than what you did before, let's say eggs and flour?

Let 20 minutes pass and go back
This time ask for two things - something completely not cooking related, a candle to set the mood and a condom.

Let 4 minutes pass and go back
This time ask for some fireworks


I think you all get where this is going, keep things as ludicrous as possible. The end game of this goal? See how many times you can go back, how much stuff you can get, and what sort of stuff you can get. I think this has some serious potential to be a lot of fun.


Marcus out.

Cards Anyone?

This one requires a building tall enough to have an elevator, I'd probably try it as a college student where people will get less pissed. Set up a small card table in an elevator, and sit 2-4 people at a table and play any game from poker to go-fish. If somebody calls the elevator, everybody stare at them when the doors open. You can get creative but the basic responses are "10 dollar buy in if you're interested" and "this ones taken (immediately hit the door close button)". Good luck and post how it goes!

Update:

We got quite a few "what the hell is this", and one "This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen". My favorite was the Asian who actually wanted to buy in for 20 dollars. In the end I wound up getting written up for being a fire hazard (can't use the elevator during a fire anyways) oooh well.

The Odd Couple - Complete Alienation

It's a joint effort between myself and Dan, only this is purely a setup...although I'm sure someone could make this pretty entertaining on their own. This weekend I'll be joining Dan and his girlfriend over what seems to be some sushi. Very much looking forward to it, especially with voice records and camera's in tow (probably digital camera, less conspicuous).

The problem or so I am told, is some random guy friend of his girlfriend, wants to meet Dan - as like a means of approval or something. The problem being is that this guy is barely an acquaintance with Dan's girlfriend. Like, maybe one or two "Hey"'s tops. He is assuming a fatherly/brotherly figure for what appears to be no reason. For the sake of a joke, it only seems the right thing to do is for him to proveUSobnoxious. Here's the setup people.

I will take on the character of a rather stiff, uptight, and nerdy (american) individual. Still working on what my personality disorder is, right now I'm thinking my character is enough as...

Jessica (my fake girlfriend) will be an insanely bubbly, hardcore sorority style girlfriend. Fawning over me and pretty completely, well obnoxious. She'll suffer from several eating disorders and occasional drop hints throughout the meal - "Sometimes, I just get so full I want to throw up."

We want to sell our awkward relationship as much is as humanly possible, we don't want to dominate the conversation but we certainly want to provide enough cover so that this guy will be in no place to judge Dan, his girlfriend, or call him out on anything. Here are other ideas for myself and Jessica that are currently in debate between the two of us.

1. I'm extremely introverted, she is a complete bitch and hits me. "I SWEAR WHEN WE GET OUT OF HERE!" are things that would fit with her character.

2. She is extremely introverted and as a result, only talks by whispering solely to me. I, in turn, say everything she is telling me. The problem is this results in a high demand for Jessica to stay in character as I am personally worried of saying something ridiculous on her behalf. She wouldn't really be whisphering, she'd just be making the noise and I'd be making stuff up. Get it? - "She says the tea is amazing," or "She said purple elephants."

3. I don't change, I remain British and just go crazy high class. Jessica would be as you Americans put it a "hick."

4. Jessica and I become very fundamentalist Christians.

Thoughts? Ideas? Input? Leave a comment.

Marcus out.

Complete Alienation

I'm justifying this because I find a guy to be both bothersome and pathetic. To provide some back story on the situation, my girlfriend met this guy during her introduction week to our university and he took a shine to her. After having asked her out what is apparently five or more times, he stays headstrong regardless of rejection. Tactlessness aside, he knows that I am dating her (exclusive), and continues to ask her to hang out, whether it be "watching the game" or "a movie at his place" I feel that this guy is pushing his luck. He's now told her that he wants to meet me; which I'm getting a "I should approve of this guy" vibe from, even though he's known her less than an entire semester.

Normally if a guy were to be so persistent even with the knowledge of a boyfriend, I would propose a round of fisticuffs. But since I've found myself in the potential presence of a tactless moron, some of the writers at PMO have decided to have some fun, the result we hope will be complete alienation.

Current plan: I'll have my girlfriend invite him to hang out with some friends just for a random get together. We'll go out to dinner and it will be a double date + one. Myself and my girlfriend, Marcus and a friend of his (both taking on completely new personalities which I'll let him cover) and the unstable wheel, my girlfriends friend.

We will do our best to record different portions of this night, for your personal entertainment.

Scratched plans:
1.) Invite him to a blind double date, except have his date be a gay guy, or a gay guy dressed in drag (both of which are viable options). The idea is that no guy wants to hang out with a girl who thinks he's gay.
2.) Have him casually meet up with us, and Marcus would stroll in and start alluding to an orgy we had planned later that night, that he is of course, not invite too.
3.) Carry around a bag of flour, and when my girlfriend goes to the bathroom, offer him "a line".

Half Baked - Date Challenge

All of you American's know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you don't - this brit has one upped you. If the somewhat cult classic of a film, Dave Chappelle goes on a date with a girl only to discover he has exactly $8.00 on him. As a result, some brief laughs ensue as he says suggests walking as opposed to a cab, buying a hotdog instead of a formal dinner, and then pretending to give change to a bumb, actually takes it making a few dollars to save the last part of his date which consists of ice cream for the both of them.

I don't want you to approach a bumb, much physically come in contact (he only touched the cup he was holding, that's close enough in my book.) No my friends, I want you to be as cheap on a date as possible BUT

1. Spend money at least three times
2. Start with $20 (I'm accounting for inflation, and given your shit economy finding $20 in the first place is going to be a challenge from what I'm told)
3. As always you can never tell her what your challenege is
4. Score a second date.

If you can do all the above - save a copy of the receipt. Post a comment on here, email me...I'll pay for the next date. No joke. Hope you got paypal.

Meal time

I'll go ahead and drop this in general harassment; Go to a restaurant with booth seating and find a couple sitting together, sit in the booth on either side so you can see one of the couples back and then the person they're sitting withs face. As the person eats, make sound effects for them taking bites, chewing, and swallowing. You can obviously get pretty creative with chomping, slurps and other impolite sounds, just think OM NOM NOM. You'll have to be pretty loud about it, and when the person realizes they'll either ask you to stop (to which you respond, "What are you talking about?") or they'll try and mess you up with irregular chewing, which still isn't hard to follow. You're probably better off doing it to one person, because two people making the sounds would be to much.

tips: Make smart choices when it comes to this one, if they move, do not follow them. Also have a plate of food you're eating off of, just to help cover up if they turn around.

It's Not a Jazz Number.

I'm Marcus.

Not only am I british, I'm also better than you. It's my responsibility to keep people confident, and doing ridiculous acts in public for the sake of a good laugh. The first and best way to acclomplish this in my opinion is the following.

Within the next two weeks, I'll be rehearsing with a group of guys/girls to get the lead song of Grease/West Side Story/some musical down. Singing, footwork, whatever. We want it memorized and down. For what purpose you ask? To wait around the local area here, for the same bus. We all get on at different times. Once all of us our on, and a sizeable amount of people have gathered. I will begin singing the opening lyrics and begin dancing/moving. As time goes on, more of us will join in.

I'll be taking 10 people, plus 1 camera guy. Will post the video as soon as I can.

UPDATE - Rehearsal begins the week of November 1st, we are also looking at executing the same week. Right now there is currently a tossup between either all leaving the bus once we are done OR continuing about our daily lives. Answer cell phones, continue on in conversations, listen to mp3 players, etc.

Introduction

I'm Lance. My portion of this is largely going to be 'we did this, can you do it better?', or 'we did this, there's really no need for you to, and it's really not as fun as it sounds'. Think of me as part competition, part comic relief. But, i was just informed of this as of today, so the only thing i have on my mind is a drinking game.

Vikings: First, you pick a Viking. Then, the Viking gets a beer (Can for normal mode, Cup for hard mode). When he has his beer, he takes his shirt off, goes out into the party (ideally with a viking helmet on, but if you don't have one, I understand), finds an unsuspecting woman, throws her over his shoulder, screams "RAPE AND PILLAGE,RAPE AND PILLAGE", and chugs his beer. If the woman falls, spills your beer, or claws his eyes 'till he drops her, he has to chug either his full helmet, or a comparable amount (if she calls the cops or some of her male friends, you probably have bigger problems). If he succeeds, he's pretty fucking awesome. And all his friends have to down a beer.
Will I ever play Viking? We'll see. Will anyone I know play? Only if my roommate stops going after fat chicks when he's drunk. Will any of you? I sure hope so.

You stay classy, internet.
-Lance

Challenge 1

The first challenge is for all you single guys; pick up a woman and get her to go on a minimum two dates without getting any of her contact points (facebook, cellphone number, etc.) I'll allow the crutch of a hotmail, because hotmail is embarrassing.

Yours truly,
Dan Ford

p.s. I'de like to direct this at the author "Marcus Williams". As a little back story; he strives to be at the metaphorical head of the pack when it comes to technology; new cellphone, media players, OS's, etc. He is also what we'll refer to as our resident "serial datist".

Update 1

The current plan is that we will be the Switzerland of the Flame war, trolls will not be granted citizenship. We can best describe this site as "Jackass on request". Have a great idea for how to mess with humanity; but have neither the population nor huevos to go through with it? Post it to this site and maybe somebody will pick it up and tell you how it went either through video or creative writing. If you can't think of something fun to have us do, then tell us about epic past shenanigans you've done (and we'll try and one up you).

We proudly make use of the first amendment, but we will never put others in harms way or endanger the lives of others as this is a direct violation of said amendment. This is good clean fun, and we are willing to listen to all ideas.

-Dan Ford

Sales Pitch

I came up with this idea for "Prove me Wrong".com but the name was taken on blogspot already. The concept of the site would break into two branches: the first where you post an opinion such as "Microsoft is piecing together skynet" and back it up with your ideas. People can comment and argue the point, it's basically the epitome of blog and troll board. The second piece of the site would be D.I.F.T.S, the way I fully believe people should live their lives. Do It For The Story; here is where people can post challenges or ideas of things they want to do, or tell stories about the things they have done. For example, you have this idea for national time travelers day but don't live in the community, maybe somebody else will go through with your idea. What if you want to prove that axe body spray does actually make it easier to pickup women, this is where you could post about your experiment. All are welcome to join and submit ideas.